10 Habits for Building Amazing Relationships

Building amazing relationships seems to come more easily to a select few. Whether it’s in their personal lives, their relationships with coworkers, or even having lunch at the local deli, people are drawn in by their easy laugh, ready ear, and steady presence.

Do these people possess an innate ability to connect with everyone from the CEO to the busboy at the deli? Or have they simply put into practice the habits of building amazing relationships. Here are 10 tried-and-true habits that will help you build and maintain meaningful bonds with the people in your life.

1. Be Yourself.  Healthy relationships begin with a healthy you. If you struggle with having an authentic, respectful, loving, and supportive relationship with yourself, it will be challenging for you to be successful in any relationships. You can’t give away what you don’t have. Consider those for whom you have unconditional love. You care for, and nurture your loved ones. You celebrate their joys, and comfort them in their sorrows. You regularly make time for those people in your life, often, without a second thought, dropping everything to come to the aid of a friend in need. Apply these same qualities to your relationship with yourself and you’ll feel content and able to build successful relationships with others.

2. Be Authentic. In today’s world there is no shortage of superficial associations, many of those forged simply for the purpose of a common goal. These so-called relationships are fleeting and momentary. No bond is made. No real relationship developed. In order to build successful and lasting connections, you need to let go of the armor, and put your most genuine self “out there”. Look inside yourself and examine your values, and don’t be afraid to let your values guide you in forming relationships. Trust your intuition, notice what you’re feeling, how you respond, and learn to recognize when you’re being less than genuine. Most importantly, be yourself!

3. Develop Emotional Intelligence. Emotional Intelligence describes how a person responds and reacts to their own, and others’ show of emotions. Being able to recognize your emotions, understand why you feel the way you do, and realize how your emotional energy impacts others, is an effective skill in building successful relationships. People with high EI are typically the ones others want to be near. They respond to the needs of those around them with understanding and responsibility. You can rely on a person with high EI to rise to the occasion, make those around them feel good, and quell any drama before it becomes an issue for the team.  Practice recognizing your emotions, good and bad, and temper your reaction. Put yourself in others’ “shoes”, in an effort to develop empathy, for the betterment of the team, and the good of your interpersonal relationship.

4. Give People Your Time. In our fast-paced, multi-tasking world, one of the greatest gifts we can give another is the gift of our presence. In fact, time is such a precious commodity in our world today that entire classes and seminars are devoted to “mindfulness” and “time management” so we can get more out of every day. Set aside time to spend with those with whom you desire a successful and meaningful relationship. Spending quality time improves the effectiveness of your connection, whether business or personal, benefiting all involved. There’s no better ROI in any relationship than the investment of time.

5. Learn to Trust More. Trust is the cornerstone of every good relationship. We live in a skeptical world, in which trust isn’t easily given or earned. When you take risks, learn to ask for help, admit your mistakes allowing others to see your vulnerabilities, you form a powerful bond that helps you work and communicate more effectively with others. Vulnerability based trust forges relationships, making them stronger, even in the face of one another’s exposed weaknesses, shortcomings, mistakes, skill deficiencies, and requests for help, as is explained in “The 5 Dysfunctions of a Team”, by Patrick Lencioni.

6. Manage Mobile Technology. The ease with which technology allows us to access and respond to those day-to-day events in our lives has had a positive effect on productivity. But being able to connect remotely, through text, has compromised our ability to be present, in live conversation, undermining our relationships, as discussed in the book “Reclaiming Conversation The Power of Talk in a Digital Age” by Sherry Turkle. Put down your phone, close your laptop, and engage in your life now, reclaim the conversation. Seek eye-contact. Mismanagement of technology can rob us of so much, including our ability to empathize. Act now and you’ll be amazed at the difference speaking face-to-face, voice-to-voice, can make in all your relationships.

7. Listen Effectively. According to Dr. Steven Covey, author of 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply”. You can strengthen your listening skills by keeping yourself in the present moment; truly hearing what the person is saying. Be empathetic and curious, keep your mind open, and really digest what was said, before you speak.

8. Develop Empathy. Empathy is the ability to experience situations from another person’s perspective, to walk in their shoes. When you think beyond your own world, view life using another person’s kaleidoscope, you see colors you may not see otherwise. Empathy gives you both the gift of understanding, and appreciation of differences.

9. Accept and Celebrate Differences. Once you develop an empathetic stance in your relationships, you will recognize and honor those things that make you different, unique, and bring other points of view to the table. When you accept, and even celebrate, your differences, you open your mind to other opinions, and honor the other person’s place at the table.

10. Focus on Being Positive. 
    Positivity is a very attractive quality in a person.

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    A positive person is seen as a leader, a motivator, someone others just want to be around, and the type of person with whom others want to build a relationship. Our attitude rubs off on people, generally we add to or take away from the people we come into contact with. Learning how to intentionally cultivate a positive attitude is of great value and importance in all walks of life. Not only does it enrich your life, it also paves the way for enriching the lives of others. Every one of us is capable of building positive and successful relationships with the people in our life. By incorporating these 10 habits into your daily interactions with others you too can build the kind of interpersonal relationships in your life that are rewarding, successful, and simply amazing.